I don’t mean “what’s the point” as in why bother at all—though let’s admit, we’ve probably all had moments when giving up felt tempting! What I mean is: What’s the purpose of being a parent? I suspect most parents would answer along the lines of “to raise our children to be the best they can be”. Which is all well and good. But it frames parenting as a task, a job to be done with the goal of producing a particular kind of child who will become a particular kind of adult. And I think that’s unhelpful.

When we see parenting as something we need to do, and to do well to achieve our desired end result, it invites constant pressure, comparisons, and “shoulds.” Be honest—have you ever quietly asked yourself if your child is doing well enough at school? How they compare with their peers? Should you enforce daily reading or piano practice instead of screen time? Should they explore more hobbies and activities to ensure they become “well-rounded” adults?  It also suggests it’s a skill you can master - spawning a massive industry of books, courses, resources, and advice (ahem, note to self!).

As working parents, we may be even more susceptible to this way of thinking. Our work lives thrive on schedules, project plans, and efficiency, so we bring that same energy home, hoping it makes us “effective parents.” But does that really work?

Interestingly, we don’t apply this logic to other relationships. To be a wife is not to “wife” my husband. I don’t evaluate the success of our marriage based on whether he is happier or more successful than when I first met him (although, obviously, he’s thriving 😉). To be a friend isn’t “friending,” where we aim to shape our friends into better versions of themselves. Why don’t we view being a parent as a relationship too? A unique connection with a singular, remarkable little person—a bond like no other.

Alison Gopnik offers a fresh perspective in the book The Gardener and the Carpenter. What if parenting isn’t about shaping our children’s futures but about helping them shape their own? What if our role is to provide a loving, stable, and rich environment where our children grow in unexpected ways—ways we could never foresee? After all, we’re raising kids in a world we didn’t grow up in, and we can’t predict what the future will demand of them. What if parenting isn’t about giving them a destination but about offering sustenance for the journey? What if it’s about being, not doing?

At Working Parents SOS, we’re not here to make you an expert in parenting. We’re here to help you enjoy being a parent. To ease the pressure of what you should be doing and celebrate the joy in simply being. Together, we’ll share the moments that make parenting this extraordinary relationship—and remind ourselves what the point of parenting is.